Harmony Vs. Balance
Everything in this world seems to exist as a dichotomy. A push and pull between two polar opposites, neither of which is fully good or bad or right or wrong but each has their time and place and purpose. Each fulfills a particular need in our humble human existence.
Work hard, but enjoy yourself. Don’t complain, but speak up when something’s not right and if you’re able, do something to fix it. Live unapologetically without regard for other people’s opinions, but listen to those you trust and respect for valuable criticisms that can make you a better version of yourself. Most people in your life only want the best for you - if they don’t, you have the ability to surround yourself with people that do. Constantly go out, do and learn new things - but remember that sitting quietly and reflecting is just as important. For it is an unobserved life that leads to an anxious existence full of doubt and uncertainty.
Most attempt to frame this diptych as a call for balance in your life - contrary to this there are some who approach the dilemma in search of harmony. I’ve always liked this because circumstances, both good & bad, don’t necessarily happen simultaneously - more often there are peaceful, positive, happy times followed by times of despair and sadness. They exist for different lengths of time, and are delivered in varying intensities of abundance and exuberance. It’s almost never equal amounts at the same time. Most people are told to strive for a balance which rarely, if ever exists. Allowing these differing experiences to exist together in harmony and learning how to navigate them, that is our best opportunity for finding comfort in this world.
Polar opposites will always exist, and will always be important to consider. It’s how we frame things in this world to simplify decision making - but it is possible to find a harmony in each of them. Life is not about existing in an equal balance of good or bad, light or dark, right or wrong. Look at nature and she will tell you that she made both night and day (Letters From a Stoic). Each having purpose, each existing in their own right within reliable symbiosis. You can’t have one without the other, there are only short times in which they overlap, and if ever they are truly equal it is but for a brief moment.
The Principles
In order to manage these circumstances, I’ve established basic principles by which to live. I’m sharing them with you here with what I refer to as The Yuppie Manifesto.
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Work Hard
This doesn’t mean make your job the top priority in your life. It means whatever it is you do, do it well. You won’t like all the responsibilities that end up being laid at your feet during this life, but if it’s placed in front of you, and it is your duty then put every ounce of effort into doing it well. It also pertains to relationships and taking care of those in your life. Love your family. Care for your friends. Spend time building meaningful, long lasting relationships. It takes effort. It’s not easy. But it’s worth it. Be the Man in the Arena.
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Be Nice
Don’t be an asshole. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to disagree. But it helps no one to take those emotions and feelings out on another person. If you don’t like the way someone is acting, you can tell them this without berating them. If you disagree with someone’s opinion, take the time to ask them about how they ended up with their perspective - their answers may surprise you. This is also a sure-fire way to be better regarded all around, make more friends, and gain the respect & influence you desire. If you need some direction on how to win friends & influence people, read this book.
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Don’t Complain
If there’s something you can do to fix it, fix it. If it’s out of your control, let it be. This does not mean you shouldn’t have an opinion. This doesn’t mean you can’t dislike the way something might be going. But realize that whining just makes you come off as someone who can’t take care of themselves and likes coming up with excuses. It’s easier to complain than it is to work out a solution. Remember that there are few things in life that you can actually 100% control - focus on those things. As for the rest, it is best to figure out a way to keep their impact on your daily life to a minimum. I often look to Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" as a reminder to temper my actions.
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Live Un-Apologetically
Follow 1-3 and you will have no reason to care about what anyone else thinks of you. Be authentic to yourself. This may require reflection, but I guarantee it is much easier living a life you don’t have to feign. Most things are not worth having an opinion about and most people’s opinions are not worth listening to.
“We will gradually become indifferent to what goes on in the minds of other people when we acquire a knowledge of the superficial nature of their thoughts, the narrowness of their views and of the number of their errors. Whoever attaches a lot of value to the opinions of others pays them too much honor.”
— The Philosophy of Schopenhauer
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Live with Intent
Make a concerted effort in determining who & what you allow into your life. Be specific about the people you spend time with. Carefully curate the content you consume. Every book you read, every show you watch or listen to, every conversation you have will have an impact on your worldview over time. These inputs will mold your perspective. You are in control of how that is shaped, so consider these frequencies carefully. We are products of our environment.
“Beware the stories you read or tell; subtly, at night, beneath the waters of consciousness, they are altering your world.”
— Ben Okri
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Be Insatiably Curious
This means read, learn, travel. Do new things. Go to new places. Meet new people. A stagnant life leads to an idle mind; and an idle mind causes most of mans misfortune be it imagined or created by self-induced paralysis. One must remain in constant motion in order to remain vigilant, aware, and productive.
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Own Your Rituals
Structure allows for spontaneity. Rituals allow you to align yourself and create a familiar framework in which to navigate a world full of unexpected circumstance. These rituals you have to find for yourself, although there are many resources out there to offer suggestions (this might be a good place to start). Your rituals can be anything you do on a regular basis that brings you calm, channels your focus, or energizes you for the road ahead. Some rituals should be daily, others on a weekly basis. Some are worth observing monthly or yearly. They should all help you maintain a sense of purpose and intentionality in your life. Again, that purpose may require some reflection - it can be more obvious to some than others.
"Discipline equals freedom."
— Jocko Willink
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Reflect Often
You don’t have to meditate - you can - but sometimes just sitting with a cup of coffee on a quiet, early morning and reflecting on your personal relationships, your life experiences, your most fulfilling accomplishments, your most embarrassing interactions - look at these things, process them and base your forward progress in life around the events you want to replicate and those you would rather do without. It is much simpler in life to identify those things you have done, seen, or experienced and wish to never happen upon again than it is to seek out those things which make you happy. Ultimately, by removing things from your life that are negative - you end up finding what it is that makes you truly content.
The best explanation and antidote for anxiety that I've ever come across is from Naval Ravikant. Here is a brief cut from a larger conversation that is worth listening to if you are regularly overwhelmed by anxiety.
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Listen
An art worth practicing. It’s easy to hear, but difficult to listen. To understand another person’s perspective as if it were your own. Most people are not bothered by what people want. What’s bothersome is how most people go about getting it. Most don’t know how to properly ask and communicate their desires. They assume others already know, they complain, then when they don’t get it both sides are angry at each other. Often time everybody really wants the same thing. If you learn how to listen and ask questions, you can avoid many contentious interactions, be more understanding, and maintain steadiness in your personal relationships.
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Enjoy This Life
Remember to relax and enjoy the world around you. Yes you have to work hard, it gives you purpose. But that doesn’t mean you don’t take time off. You need to take care of yourself. Without the goose there is no golden egg.
These are the principles that have helped me navigate the world. Hopefully these things can provide some form of guidance for you also so that we can all become the best possible version of ourselves in a way that leaves us feeling fulfilled and at peace with the world around us.
If there's anyone you know that would benefit from any of these guiding principles, please share this with them.
Until next time.
Be well,
Yuppie
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